Navigating the Theatre World with Chronic Fatigue

Oxford Drama has a reputation for being a high pressure environment where people obsessed with theatre spend more time in a rehearsal room than doing their degree. Whether you accept this or not, there is no doubt that within the theatre community there is an overwhelming sense of commitment, of passion, from some angles dare I say insanity. As the new term kicks off, everyone already has multiple projects on the go, the term card sporting examples of Shakespeare, new writing and a tragedy that can be traced back to the West’s earliest drama festival. It can seem very overwhelming to freshers and those on the outside, but also sometimes those within the societies (whether that be OUDS or OUTTS).

I am no different to many others in that I have multiple strings to my bow, multiple plates spinning all at once. It has recently become clear that my reputation precedes me, with most people having read one of my reviews or seen The History Boys. This in itself is testament to how much I have managed to achieve in the year that I have been back in the theatre world. Hilary saw me in rehearsals most days, while there were weeks in Trinity where I was out every night. The quick succession of review after review solidified my position within the society, the sharp clip of my characteristic heels becoming a familiar sound whether in rehearsals or auditoriums. This may sound like an arrogant tirade, but that is not at all the intention, rather it highlights quite how poignant theatre is in my life and how much time I spend indulging my passion. But as you will have already spotted in the title, there is more to this story than meets the eyes. In Hilary, I would arrive at rehearsals in heels and waistcoats, a cup of matcha in hand and a good amount of forthright attitude in my blood ready to tackle the reality of directing eleven unruly boys. Notes in hand, I always know what I want from a scene and have typically put at least an hour of planning into each rehearsal. Organisation and early morning alarms give the impression that I am on top of my life, on top of my degree, but behind the scenes it is a different story. 

Often, a mere hour before I am supposed to be somewhere I am still in bed. This is not to say that I am always asleep (although this is regularly the case), but I am in my pyjamas under my duvet. Many of my essays have been written, many of my rehearsals planned from the comfort of my bed. The only thing I never write in bed is reviews, but I have written my fair share in my pyjamas. At a university where everyone runs on fumes and the high pressure reality of sleeping very little pervades, so many of us are quick to say that we’re tired. But how often do you stop to really check in with the friends who claim tiredness? And how often do you simply say ‘me too’? Not everyone’s tiredness looks the same. Mine looks like perfect make up, shirts and waistcoats. It looks like tripping over the cobbles and forgetting to eat some days and severe nosebleeds. 

Oxford University is a place of striving and networking where everyone is attempting to build a future on fast forward. I watch some truly incredible friends and peers take on their workloads and extracurriculars with zeal, always doing enough to make your head spin. In the spirit of honesty, I won’t lie and say that I accept my condition lying down. I am known to work myself into the ground, only stopping when I find myself in A&E. I am furious with my body, wishing always that I were ‘normal’ and able to do as much as those around me. It is a lesson in self acceptance, in self awareness, in prioritising. I hope that by sharing this, others will be able to accept that not doing eight shows a term is ok, that saying no is ok, that dropping out of projects is ok. Sharing that you struggle does not make you weak, it does not mean that you hold less authority within a rehearsal room. But also, for those who have perhaps not considered that tiredness feels different in some people, remember to check in and ask more than once. We are all in this together at the end of the day, an interwoven web of family (or contacts, depending on how you choose to look at it), so we should spend a little more time sometimes checking in.